I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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