Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
