i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
