I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
