dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
