So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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