so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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