you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
