I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
