Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
