I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
