she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
