Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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