genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
