also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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