I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
