you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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