Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i have two assholes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
