he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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