I wanna bring you to show and tell
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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