if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Still dying that you shit outside
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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