so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
