I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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