Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
