What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
