The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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