she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
