i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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