Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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