Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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