as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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