I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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