I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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