Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
