So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
