If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
