she was so not down for the gang bang
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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