He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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