okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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