a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
