Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
