I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
