There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
