she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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