i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
