we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
