anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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