new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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