I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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