i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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