Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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