that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
