how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
