you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
