Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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