we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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