she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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