We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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