he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
