oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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