I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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