Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
