I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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