If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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