those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
