is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
