I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish i was in the wii world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
