we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I cannot find my penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
