I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
