in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I will die if light touches me.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize