And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we should paint friendship bongs
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
