can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
