I just cut my nipple shaving
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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