im six kinds of drunk right now
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
