All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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