My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
