The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
