If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
