i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize