When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
