I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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