Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
