I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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