i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
