Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish I only lived at night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
