just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
