Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
