so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
