hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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