This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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