does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
