can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
