New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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